Archive | December 2010

Where Does My Help Come From?

This morning when I woke up the first thing I did was reached for my bible.  I was seeking comfort and assurance as I am wrestling internally over the news that my mother’s cancer has returned.   I hate the unknown, and I’m trying to keep my thoughts from going into a panic mode.   As a daughter of the Most High, naturally my comfort should be sought in Him and so I wanted to see what His  word would be today to hold me up.  Psalm 121 was what I came across, another one I need to memorize!   It did bring comfort to me, as well as the verse hanging on my wall, Isaiah 41:10.  These will be my strength verses to meditate on today.

Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)

10 Fear not, for I am with you;
      Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
      I will strengthen you,
      Yes, I will help you,
      I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Psalm 121

A Song of Ascents.

 1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
         From whence comes my help?
 2 My help comes from the LORD,
         Who made heaven and earth.
 3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
         He who keeps you will not slumber.
 4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
         Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
 5 The LORD is your keeper;
         The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
 6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
         Nor the moon by night.
 7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
         He shall preserve your soul.
 8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
         From this time forth, and even forevermore.

For The First Time Again

In the midst of a post I’m working on I got distracted by news that my mom’s cancer is back.  I hit a block and will get back to that post but I needed a music break.

I was listening to the video I had posted this morning (see below this post) of Jason Gray and clicked off on this one and loved it.  It really speaks to where I am over the past month. This Sunday marks the 4th in a row, one month, that I’ve been back ‘home’ in my church and among my church family that had been praying for me.  Jaded…bitter…yep that would be me.  It’s something I’ve struggled with lately and I’m praying about it all.  The song is great, and I think this whole CD is one I will just have to own  soon, like I feel a little road trip to the store coming on Friday afternoon!  The songs on this one are just ministering so much to me right now.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

One thing over and over that I see in scripture is God’s faithfulness to His children despite how we trip and fall  so often. And one of my very very favorite hymns is ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness’.

This version is much more contemporary and is on a CD by Fernando Ortega that my friend, Jane, recently gave me when I returned to church. It has ministered greatly to me through the past 3 or 4 weeks.

The Lines Blurred

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I managed to get from where I was in my walk, to the dark and sinful way of life that I recently crawled out of.  How is it  that I was not able to see it for what it was and not even go there?

I realize now that over time the lines had become blurred, and this was of my own  doing.  Little tiny things, dabbling in just little sinful  areas, is where things started.  Little by little over the long haul, the lines became less and less distinguishable and what once would have been very offensive to me was no longer all that bothersome.  Where once the lines divided what was God honoring from what was corruption, it was getting easier and easier to justify and be comfortable with my sin.

I  think of it like taking a gallon of white paint and dribbling in a bit of red.  On the surface of the white it is a harsh contrast, but if you stir the paint well, that little bit mixes in and isn’t even noticeable.  Adding a trace here and a trace there, slowly, it  is barely seen as the paint is changing from very bright white to a very very light shade of pink.  Without something white next to it,  one would not notice the change.  Over time a drop here and there of other colors or sins  would begin to change the appearance of the paint.  Sitting visible on the surface the color can be seen, but once mixed  in not so much.  However the more and more you add of other colors, the more the white paint fades and slowly changes color until it is black.

This  is how  the sins were that were slowly introduced into our life and marriage.  a drop here, a dribble there, and once we pulled away from other believers, we could not see the change in our white color to a light pink or gray.  The more we mixed in, the further away we were and the less  we felt the conviction of wrong.

No  one dragged me there  to that lifestyle, I allowed a tiny drop and then another and another  until I was too far from what was pure and white to notice any longer much less seem to care.  But I did care,  and at times something would trigger in me the desire to go back to my faith.  Eventually I would pay the price for the sins in my life, a price  I will feel forever.  I lost the home I loved, the husband I loved, and living with my daughter.  These  things cannot be undone and have been most painful to endure.  But it is my own fault, I allowed the drips of sin  to discolor my heart, mind and soul.

White paint in the form of God’s forgiveness, Word, church services, and right thinking, is being poured into the can of my mind and heart, and with each that is put in, the dark black paint is scooped out.  The more white that goes in, and the more blackened sin is removed, the brighter the color becomes.  My soul was forgiven when I repented, it is the rest of me, my thoughts and heart, that need the whitening process.

This holiday was a  celebration for me of the return of my soul to it’s place before the Lord.