It dawned on me tonight in the midst of an email discussion..the prodigal son when he hit the bottom, found himself sleeping and eating with the pigs. I’ve been there, feeling completely unworthy of anything good in my life. And in that place, that dark, lonely pig sty of sin that I was in, I reflected outwardly what I felt of myself inwardly. And NO one will ever know where I was or how I felt, because no one walked that path with me. I don’t like sharing about it, it is hard and painful. I don’t open up easily, though I am trying, about my deep feelings, fears and insecurities.
My writings on my other page did indeed reflect how I was feeling. I would hope in trying to learn about me, and understand me, people would be able to see just how low I had fallen, so that the comparison of where I am headed will be in stark contrast as a testimony to what God can do once we reach the end of ourselves and come back to Him. It wasn’t a pretty time, and I was not a pretty person, why should I have painted a picture of anything but the reality of who I was in my sin, how I felt about me? I have SO far to go just to get back up on the path itself 😦 and then find something to hang on too so I don’t fall off again.
But when he came to himself he said, “How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough to spare, and I’m dying with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will tell him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight. I am no more worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired servants.'”
While his father welcomed him back, fully restored, I cannot help but wonder…how long did he feel himself unworthy to be called a son?
How long will I have to wait before I no longer feel unworthy to be called a daughter again?