Archive | March 2011

At The Edge Of The Abyss…

She is sitting on the bridge, over the abyss, swinging her legs, talking out loud to herself and tossing stones into the darkness below…

“I know you are here, know that you come to look at me.”

“Are you sleeping?  I cannot sleep until the very early hours of the morning, and then it is a tormented sleep. The dreams so real I can hear the whisper in my ear, “heart, mind, body,  soul, all of you…”.  I feel the kiss on my temple.  I feel myself wrapped up in that safe place…and then I wake up.”

“there remain 3 bottles, you left them behind…I  came SO close to drinking them last night, so very close.  But then walked away…3  different times…they are still there but they finally stopped calling my name.”

“Yes, I still wear it.  Sometimes I touch it and think of you, pray for you.  I never take it off, never will.”

“Yes, the empty places are still there, they always will be, you have the missing pieces.”

“The gray hasn’t changed to blue again,  I don’t think it can anymore.”

“I tried so hard to close every door of every contact point, locked the doors tight, but your memory keeps getting past them.”

“I saw you found the one door I didn’t lock, and established that other ‘point of contact’ again. It makes me wonder…why?”

“I watch my tears  falling behind the stones, down into the  darkness….and wonder, if I let myself slip off this bridge and down into the abyss…how long will it feel like falling before sensation is gone and it feels like floating, like numbness?”

She goes back to swinging her legs, reaches for her Bible and reads and prays again….ever hoping…

“I miss you…so much….”  

When The Hurt Runs Deep….

One of my all time favorite Christian authors, is Kay Arthur.  I’ve read easily half a dozen of her books, and participated in a number of bible studies using her study material.  God has gifted this woman with incredible wisdom and the ability to teach God’s word and apply it to today. 

I’m getting ready to start a study and book of hers, Our Covenant God, when I remembed another book I have, “Lord, Heal My Hurts”.  I will  have to dig that one out too.  I went over and checked to see if it was available on Kindle, in case I no longer have it boxed up in the garage, when I stumbled upon book she wrote that looks more in tune with what I am seeking, “When The Hurt Runs Deep“.  I glanced over the pages available to read online, and this looks like a wonderful book.

I by no means think that I am at times not  still impacted by past hurts.  While I am happy, there are moment when things creep up unexpectedly.  I’ve always come away from Kay Arthur’s books and studies on far more solid  ground and with a heart much closer to God and with a much greater desire for His word.  As soon as I have the money, it is going on my Kindle!   Hmmm…sounds  like the perfect gift for one of my kids to buy me for Mother’s Day…..

My New Adventure

YEARS ago when my kids were very little, I was an Avon Representative. I admit back then I did it to get things at a discount.

I’m doing it again, with the goal of hopefully being able to supplement providing childcare in my home, and eventually being able to support myself on the income. Lofty goals? Perhaps, but I’ve ALWAYS loved to think big. And since I am totally into social media, I LOVE that I can represent this great company via my very own site! Anyone, anywhere can order from my site, and even have the items shipped directly to them.

Just click in the left side bar to go to the ebrochures and shop the actual current catalogs. Order, pay and it ships directly to you right from the convenience of your home. If you are local, I can come to you! Your choice, and don’t we all love choices!

Stop by and check it out, get on my mailing list through my site so that when there are sales, or I offer a special, you don’t miss out!


Thankful Thursday

Undeserving Grace

I am so thankful for my family, especially the Diva Den!  These 4 women I live with are just the best when I am in a blue funk and need a laugh.

I am so thankful for the ability to smell!  There are some things we smell that just send the mood soaring, like fresh brewing coffee when I’m debating if I want to get out of bed.

I am thankful for the ability to hear…birds chirping outside of the window, my cat purring in my ear to get my attention, and praise music playing on my PC  (WOW 2011 CDs).

Also very thankful for K-Love radio online and on my Droid, they can go with me wherever I have to be, filling my mind with positive and encouraging lyrics and praises to God.

Thankful for the written Word of God, available in so many forms from paper to Kindle.

Just some of the blessings I’m thankful for this morning!

An Unruly Evil, Full Of Deadly Poison…

A true brother or sister in Christ is not going to tell you want to hear, but rather what you need to hear, and they will back it up with scripture.

Sunday night I was annoyed over the email sent to my Pastor.  Not the email it self, as Pastor Landis is no stranger to me, he has known me a LONG time so I’m fairly certain the fact that I am a sinner is  not a shock.  My annoyance was that someone who claims that their life  is better off without me, that what I do and say has no bearing on them, would  still be reading my blogs and Twitter feed.  If I am so insignifcant why read them?  Honestly having a cyberstalker is just a little creepy.  My dear friend, Jane,  put me back on track.  The  issue was not that this woman reads what I write, but that she found something written about her that was unkind, and not Christ like.  Or that she assumed it was about her, as no names were mentioned.  Didn’t matter who it was about, what I wrote was unnecessary for public viewing.  And furthermore it was not a thought that should be in my head anyway, as those in Christ take every thought captive to Him and think only on those things that are pure, just, holy etc.


 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

What we as believers write, is every bit as important as what comes out of our mouths.  Just as anything we say can be over heard  and should be edifying and bring grace to the hearer (Ephesians 4:29), the written word doubtlessly should fall under this too.  The spirit or intent of the Word of God would apply to things I post on Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare and my blogs, not just what rolls off my tongue and out of my mouth.  Lord knows that this is likely my number one weakness in life.  The very gift I’ve been given with writing can also be a curse when used improperly.

Another close friend sends out devotions every morning to a group of people.  Today he sent the following passage, it certainly is timely:

James 3:5-10 (New King James Version)

5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.
See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.

There is a reason this passage is highlighted in my bible, has been for years, it is my #1 weakness!

Ouch, point taken.  My tweets, 3 or 4 unkind little remarks, set off a fire storm between me and the former friend.  And what did it accomplish really? Nothing positive at all.

So who is to blame? Me! Which is why I apologized to her privately and pubically.

One of my readers made an excellent point on my other blog page today:

” it seems like you two just can’t seem to let go of each other – which means there’s unfinished business. If you had said everything you needed to say, when she crossed your mind – made a nasty comment-someone told you crap, you answer ‘who cares?’ because you’d know you’d said everything and there’s nothing new to tell her. Same for her. You two are locked into this because neither of you have spoken your peace (a thing that can’t be done in anger). I say write her a letter that gets out every single thing you ever wanted to say – b/c she was your friend and she obviously hurt you – and get it out of your system once and for all. Then promise yourself you aren’t going to speak her name, write her name, or respond to anything nasty she writes for 6 months. Get the devil out and lock the gate. Break the addiction. In 6 months, you’ll be over it and able to say ‘I’m not responding to anything about that/her at this point. I’m busy loving my life.’ “

Hmm.. guess it could be!  Not only do I not wish to do it in anger, I prefer to sit face to face and talk it out.  I believe there  is unfinished business.  Often the former friend used to say we were stronger together than apart.  At times we were oil and water, but it is my personal belief we complimented each others personalities quite well. And I have said in blogs last year that I do miss her friendship.

SO, since I’m certain that despite what she says, she IS in fact reading my blogs and tweets still, or has someone reading them for her, I extend  to her an olive branch if you will.  Once years ago things came between us and we were puppeted by others into these very corners on opposite sides of the ring duking it out in words.  She showed up at my door in tears with a plant and we talked it out and made up.  Why? Because she CARED.  And she can deny it until pigs fly, I believe that is exactly why she comes by to read and why things set her off, she still cares, as do I.   So here is the olive branch:

Come have coffee with me this week, Teresa.  Just you and me, on neutral turf, and lets get this out on the table and talk about it, face to face and then put it behind us. No others to influence us, no show to see, just you and me talking this out like adults and get to the bottom of what is causing all this turmoil.

The Refuge Coffee Bar

Thursday or Friday, 12:30pm, you pick the day, my treat.

Olive branch extended…..will you accept it?

Glorious Day

This morning on my new Facebook page a fantastic song/video came up in my feed from Jesse S. that I just had to share!  I  hope someone does this for special music on Resurrection Sunday….

Hanging On To Anger Or Getting Even?

There is more to being a true believer than putting off our old way of life.

Last night I posted my apology and the entire contents of the emails regarding how I acted inappropriately toward a former friend, Teresa/Queenie.  This morning I received an email  from a friend, with a screen shot of Teresa’s Facebook.  The well meaning friend was interested to know at about what time the email to me and my pastor had been sent by Teresa, believing that the conversation on Facebook was regarding the email she had sent.  Coincidentally the times were a match up.  This friend was concerned that what she did was, as she put on her Facebook, nothing more than getting even with me for something assumed was about her on Twitter,  as no names were mentioned:

“sometimes we have mutual friends with those who choose to not like us. It’s all good, I don’t hold onto anger…I get even!”

“I remember a commercial a loooooooooong time ago (like when Frank and I first met) It’s not nice to mess with Mother Nature. Well, let me say this much. Messing with Mother Nature is a lot less dangerous than p*$$ing off the Queenie. ~just sayin =)”

My friend feared that perhaps her email full of proclaimed righteousness in Christ was nothing a blatant lie and her use of scripture only done to make herself look like something she was not.

First – I need to say that certainly the tweets were  about her, she was correct in her assumption.

Second – I do not know Queenie’s heart to know if she has turned away from the sinful way of life as a swinger, engaging in sex with men other than her husband, or not.  It is not my concern.  I can only hope and pray that she would never use the Lord’s Word in an effort to get even with someone, as I doubt that the Lord  finds that acceptable.  I prefer to error on the side of believing she is now a Christian and was acting in love, and not a spirit of vengeance.

Third – many times people do things to us out of evil intent, yet the Lord uses it for our good, to bring about further sanctification in our lives.  In this case, regardless of her intent, I was wrong.  Typing the words is the same as saying them, and as I had quoted from Ephesians 4:29 in my apology, my words were not meant to edify and bring grace to the hearer (reader), they were meant to tear down.  Not a godly example at all and even if she was simply contacting my pastor out of ill intent, God used it to s

how me another area of my life that needs work.

There is more being a true believer than putting off our old way of life.

Romans 8:5 (New King James Version)

5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

Philippians 4:6-8 (New King James Version)

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Philippians 2:3-4 (New King James Version)

3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

*I need to live according the Spirit, and set my mind on those things.

*I need to be anxious for nothing, and set my mind on those things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, and praiseworthy – meditating on those.

*I need to be sure all I do is not out of selfish ambition or conceit, but that I need to esteem others as more important than myself.

I was doing these things.  Regardless of what the condition of her soul may or may not be, I was wrong and I’ve corrected that wrong as best I could.

In conclusion I’ve asked my well meaning friend not to share things in the future from her Facebook.  She has me blocked for a reason, she does  not consider me her friend.  I prefer to go on and think good things and pray for her, not be concerned with her heart motive.  Her heart motive is between her and God.