I had gone over the things from Pastor’s email, and spent time praying during the service, and there were things I needed to confess.
In my heart I carry a root of bitterness toward my soon to be former sister-in-law. I won’t go into details other than to say that I see her as a very evil, manipulative person. But the Lord put it on my heart while praying about things I needed to confess, that I need to forgive her for the perceived wrongs toward me, and pray for her daily.
During that time of prayer, thinking on the fact that Christ died for my sins…and then it hit me. He died on that cross over 2000 years ago for my sins…sins that had yet to be committed! Mine and everyone elses, yes, but MINE. Sins of a woman that had never even been born! Sins that would not be committed until nearly 2000 years later! He died to cover the sins of all of His sheep, and those sins, so many were yet to be committed because those sinners were not even to be born for a long time to come. How unimaginably incredible that weight must have been! I cannot begin to wrap my head around this!
How could I not want to fall on my face and serve the Lord, the One who paid for my sins thousands of years before I’d ever walk this earth? Sins I had not yet lived to commit? The love the Lord Jesus has for His people is not something to be comprehended, that He was willing to die such a horrible death, suffering like we cannot begin to imagine under the weight of sins He knew would occur but were yet to happen? It is beyond my ability to begin to understand. Any parent understands they would take a bullet for a child…but can we imagine dying for a child or person who was thousands of years in the future??? No, we cannot.
While in Sunday School, a passage came up that really made me think, especially during communion:
New King James Version (NKJV)
An Invitation to Abundant Life
55 “Ho! Everyone who thirsts,
Come to the waters;
And you who have no money,
Come, buy and eat.
Yes, come, buy wine and milk
Without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.
3 Incline your ear, and come to Me.
Hear, and your soul shall live;
And I will make an everlasting covenant with you—
It really made me stop and think…What IS my focus on? What is it I “buy” with my time and efforts? It isn’t that it is wrong to work hard to achieve my goals, but which areas of my life are taking the priority? My study in the Word of God? My walk with Christ? Or is it still all about me, and things of this world that won’t last? I need to prioritize my life, really focus on the things that last, delight in the Lord’s abundance first, then the rest of my life will take shape according to His plan for me. I can pursue my dreams, but pray for what His will, for where I should go and trust that those paths will open up if they are His plan for my life and how I can best serve Him.
I’m thankful that I’m broken, or I’d never have returned to my Father in Heaven, the prodigal daughter, the broken angel in need of Him.