Tag Archive | God

Peppermint Coffee Musings

Peppermint coffee.  Gotta love it.  And my diffuser filling the air in my room with soothing scents of pure lavender oil, and 31 oil.  Mind and heart full of good ‘food’ from church this morning, both the Sunday School lesson and the worship sermon were great.  I’m listening to Twila Paris’s album Perennial.  Some of my very favorite hymns on are there, like Be Thou My Vision and Amazing Grace.   Her voice is so beautiful.  And the words of the songs beyond  description for me at times.  Also listening to a beautiful CD of  music from Fernando Ortega, The Shadow Of Your Wings, it is one  my friend Janie gave me when I first returned to church 2 years ago.  I need to share with her how much that has meant over the past 2 years.  The songs and hymns on it are in somewhat different arrangements than what you might traditionally hear in church.  And they have helped me many times to quiet my spirit and prepare my heart to pray, read God’s Word, or head out to worship services.

The lesson this morning was really good and spoke to me in Sunday School.  One thing that stood out was that we need to be very careful what we desire, as we just might get it and all that goes with it, good and bad.  And that what we sow we reap, no question about that.  Some call it karma, or “what goes around, comes around”.  I prefer to stick with what I know as a believer, God handles vengeance.

Psalm 7:14-16

New Living Translation (NLT)

14 The wicked conceive evil;
    they are pregnant with trouble
    and give birth to lies.
15 They dig a deep pit to trap others,
    then fall into it themselves.
16 The trouble they make for others backfires on them.
    The violence they plan falls on their own heads.

That is one really good passage, and here was another:

Proverbs 5:21-23

New Living Translation (NLT)

21 For the Lord sees clearly what a man does,
    examining every path he takes.
22 An evil man is held captive by his own sins;
    they are ropes that catch and hold him.
23 He will die for lack of self-control;
    he will be lost because of his great foolishness.

Dave pointed out, that if you sow seeds of corn in a field, you will reap corn as that is what grows from corn seeds.  If you sow beans, likewise.  And if you sow trouble, you will reap that too.  Gossip, slander, unkindness, sin….sow those seeds and that is what you will reap in return.

The trouble  with seeds is they are tiny at first.  You drop a tiny seed no bigger than a corn kernel into the soil, and a full blown corn stalk grows up with many ears filled with many more kernels of corn.  Now, think about when you plow trouble and plant seeds of iniquity, like sow gossip seeds, seeds of strife, or other seeds that are not things that will reap blessings, they reap what was sown/planted, in abundance.  That tiny seed will grow into a large plant and produce far more than you bargained.  This happened in my past.  Yes, if you go to the search section of my blogs and search the word “swinger” or “lifestyle” you will get back several posts.  I make no pretense that this is somehow a secret, I was a swinger.  And I did photos that were not good, and my kids know.  My church family knows, my friends and family all know about it.   I don’t hide these  things because others might learn from my mistakes.  It was not a good time in my life that I’m not proud of.  But it IS part of who I am today.  It goes hand in hand with the song lyrics I posted yesterday.  I will not deny the worst you can say about me, if it is true.  But I’m not the sum of my mistakes and sin.  It is in my past.  The consequences will at times  be far reaching, but that is not who I am anymore.

Now, I try hard to sow the seeds of good things.  If it isn’t nice, I just try not to say it all, and pray about the thought behind what I considered saying.  I’m not perfect, but it IS the goal I strive for now.  And I pray for those that find it necessary to sow unkindness toward me.  Letting go and not being upset by what is said about me is far easier when I do what God says and just pray for them.

Matthew 5:43-48
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. …

We are not responsible for what others do, only in how we respond.

Matthew 12:36

36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

I am opting for a Christ like response.  Those that talk, tweet, Facebook or verbalize unkind things about others, will one day have to give an account for that.  And I will give one for my reaction.  My reaction now is to pray for that individual(s) every day.  I sleep solid at night because my conscience is clear, my heart isn’t full of bitterness and hatred any longer.

I Am New And It Rocks!

*found this in the draft section of my dashboard here on the blog, not sure why I never posted it but seems appropriate to put up tonight as I’m in the Word of God preparing for the worship services tomorrow*

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!

Back when I first returned to church, I clung to it.  Now, all the more it is perfect for me.  The lyrics speak to me.

I am not the woman I was a few months ago, or a few years ago.  The worst things you can say about me and what I have done, I won’t deny them.  In fact I freely admit in my writings on both blogs where I have been and what I have done.

I am no longer ashamed of who I was or what I did or where I have come from.

But I’m not her anymore.  In Christ we are made new, and I’m being remade daily into who I should be.

I have a long way to go, I am a work in progress.

“I Am New”

Now I won’t deny
The worst you could say about me
But I’m not defined
By mistakes that I’ve made
Because God says of me
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I’m dearly loved
I am newWho I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I’m dearly loved
I am new

Too long I have lived
In the shadows of shame
Believing that there
Was no way I could change
But the one who is making everything new
Doesn’t see me the way that I do
He doesn’t see me the way that I do

I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I’m dearly loved
I am new

I am not who I was
I am being remade I am new
Dead to the old man,I’m coming alive
I am new

Forgiven beloved
Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy
Reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name

This is who we are now…

By: Jason Gray, Joel Hanson

My Wild, Untamed Tongue

Image Courtesy of ddpavumba/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Social media has ushered in a new way of communicating.  Where we used to speak our words for others to hear, or actually write them out in long hand on paper, now we put them in texts, on Facebook walls, Twitter etc.  Our words can now reach much further simply by hitting the enter key, or as in this case, publish.  The trouble with social media is it is much easier say things when sitting behind my computer than when I am in person.  I’ve always communicated much better when writing my thoughts, but now there is a safety in the anonymity of using electronic media to stick my opinion and thoughts out there for others to ‘hear’.

In December of 2010, just 4 months nearly to the day after my divorce was final, I ventured back to my church ‘home’.  I thought I was ready for it, the prodigal daughter going home to her Father and faith family.  I was welcomed back with open arms and tears, and I knew that it was HOME.  But it wasn’t long before I hit the ground and ran from there, and somewhat back to what had been familiar to me.  Part of that was due to my own words, which were a reflection of my very battered heart.

I was still up to my neck in bitterness and pain at not only my ex-husband, but many former friends.  One I lashed out about on Twitter.  She proceeded to send copies of that tweet to my pastor, in an email in which she painted herself to be a wounded believer by my words.  She also made sure to let it be known of my past in the swinger lifestyle.  It was an attempt to hurt me, I get that, and she was successful.  It was one more flame on the fire that was burning away at my heart and soul.  That combined with a few other incidents concerning  my ‘words’ and I hit the ground running in to opposite direction of where I needed to be.

Part of the problem with going back was that things had changed.  I was no longer “Pete & Marti”, and that was hard.  The couple who had been our best friends were divorced and he was there alone, she was missing.  And I honestly felt that no one there could understand the road I was on at that time.  Honestly, I still don’t know if anyone understood or could begin to grasp what I was going through.  It was not just the divorce, but where I had been during the final years of my marriage.  I was constantly on the defense so when someone did point something out, it felt like I was being judged.  That was all my own heart issue, I get that now.  This time, I went back and instead of being on the defense I decided that I would simply relax.  I don’t have to be liked by everyone, because not everyone is going to like me.  And yes, I am going to be under scrutiny by my fellow believers, because I did walk away twice, and I had been in a very dark, sinful place for a long while after having been a proclaimed believer.  I gave folks reason to be skeptical and that is okay.  My return isn’t about them, it’s about where I  know I need to be, being fed and worshiping the Lord.

One of the reasons that former friend’s email to my pastor upset me so much is that deep down I knew she was right.  Her motives were questionable, but I had in fact done something that was unbecoming of a believer.  I don’t have to answer for her motives, that is between her and God, but I do have to one day give account for every careless word spoken by me:

Matthew 12:36

New King James Version (NKJV)

36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

If I had a dime for every careless word/idle word that has come out of my mouth just since I’ve been a believer, I’d never have to work again and could live off of the interest only.  Judgmental? Oh yes that would be me!  Run  off of the mouth? GUILTY!  I used to take pride in the fact that I could slice someone’s jugular verbally.  Not exactly something to be proud of, I know.  And it doesn’t matter if what I say is true, it is the motive and intent of my heart that is behind the words that is also at issue.  When in doubt, I should just be silent!

Which brings me to the whole social media side of the issue.  Back when James wrote his letter that is now the book of James, written and spoken words were all we had.  And while he addressed the tongue, or verbal side of communicating, I think the spirit of the passage applies to written words, and now social media as well.  But not just on posted, public places where we write, but in emails and texts along with the spoken word.  Because we WILL one day have to give an account before God, on the day we are judged, and it will include, no doubt about it, every word spoken and written.

I’m learning to keep my mouth shut more than I run it.  To stick to what my grandpa used to tell me, that if I didn’t have something nice to say, it wasn’t necessary to say anything at all.  I later realized that is what Thumper’s mom taught him, in the movie & story of Bambi, what I call the Thumper Rule.   This is by far one of the hardest things for me to do, keep my mouth shut, sit on my fingers when I want to lash out at someone on Twitter, in my blog, or on Facebook.  I have a tendency to go all mama bear on people and need to be more careful.  Stop, think, think again, wait 24 hours, pray during that time.  It will keep me from stumbling in this area.  And meditate on this verse above from Matthew, apply it like spiritual duct tape to my mouth and hands.

James 3:5-12

New King James Version (NKJV)

Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.[a]

Coloring Outside The Lines ~ True Beauty

I spent many years with a very low self-esteem.  I’m no Barbie Doll, I’ve always been just a tiny bit curvy, and sometimes more than a tiny bit.  Some men in my life referred to it as pleasantly plump, as it wasn’t obese or even what they considered fat, just curvy.  They even felt I was very sexy.  There are some men who told me that I needed to gain weight, as they are into far heavier girls than myself, and then there were those like the ones I married who liked their women skinny.  I’ve never been skinny other than when I was very sick in high school.  But I would strive for perfection in other ways, with lots of make-up and the 80’s mega huge big hair.  I always longed to see myself through someone else’s eyes because no matter what I still never felt attractive.  Many things in life impacted my self-esteem from being  the picked on, bullied  kid in school to the unfaithfulness of spouses.  Those will leave a lot of scars on the self image.

Being sexual creatures we are drawn to physically attractive people.  Lust is a powerful force and can tempt even the most faithful, God-fearing men and women astray.  Even King David, described in the Bible as a man after God’s own heart, was led astray into deep sin by way of lust.  Few of us could claim a faith and walk as David’s so we ought to be very careful to guard against lust.  And images are one of those ways we can get caught up or catch someone else up in sexual sins.

As someone who has had a number of professional, nude photo shoots, I’m guilty of causing others to sin through lust.  My photos were published on a website that was free, but also on one that was a pay site.  And I loved the photos, not going to lie.  The photographer was a true artist and they were very classy photos.  I did them and the then husband found it very hot.  Other than the risks of people we knew finding out, he thought it even hotter that other men were lusting for what he had.  And lust they did, I had a number of fans that would email me via the photographer, and through other means.  It seemed so harmless at the time, and did my self esteem a world of good, but it was dead wrong.  Those photos are still floating around, and needless to say due to those I will not be running for any public office (though I’d run on a complete, open door platform and put those out there myself).  But every time someone sees one and lusts, I’ve led that person to sin.  That is now my prayer, that those images will vanish from cyberland, and for the heart and soul of anyone who sees them.  It is a heavy weight to carry knowing you’ve caused and continue to cause others to stumble by coloring outside of the lines.

Over time I’ve come to learn that true beauty is what you see when the lights are turned off.  It is what beauty looks like in the dark.  In the dark, or if unable to see a person physically, you focus on the inner portion, their heart.  The person who is truly beautiful is the one who is a beautiful soul on the inside.  I’ve met many very attractive people outwardly, but their hearts are full of strife, jealousy, bitterness, and hatred.  There is nothing at all appealing in those things.  Selfish and self centered, they may be pretty on the surface, but inside is one ugly individual.

Even now, as I’ve dated and been told over an over again that I am attractive, hot, sexy etc., it does my self esteem good.  But I’d rather be known for the inner beauty.  The true beauty of a heart and soul that puts Christ first, seeks to please Him, and is generous, kind and loving toward others.  It can take a lot of work to look pretty on the outside, but only God can make us beautiful on the inside, where it counts.

Coloring Outside The Lines – How It Began

Sin never seems to just burst through the door waving a flag, blowing on a bugle and screaming “COME ON FOLLOW ME!”  Instead it creeps in slowly, at least in a believer’s life.  Like David on the roof top, maybe we look just a little too long, or take a second glance.  Someone flirts and we flirt back.  Someone gossips or speaks ill of someone, and instead of shutting it down by changing the subject or walking away we join in and make an unkind remark.  Someone tries to provoke us and instead of praying for our enemies as God commands, and loving them as His Word instructs, we poke back.  Maybe we reason away that one drink won’t hurt anything when we know we might have a problem controlling our alcohol intake.

Regardless of what it is, we let it slip in through a crack that forms in our foundation.  That crack happens when we take our eyes off the Lord, when we start letting other things come between us and prayer time, study time, and gathering with other Christians.  Maybe it is a TV show, or a football game, staying up late and over sleeping on Sunday morning.  Whatever it is we allow things to start taking priority in our lives.  In and of themselves they are not bad or wrong things, but we let them come before what is most important.  And anything that we put ahead of the Lord is an idol.  Over time we hold that up, giving it attention when something else should be getting our attention.  The crack starts there.

What begins as a hairline crack, nearly undetectable at first, starts to grow in length and width.  Not fast, mind you.  It takes time.  We start to notice short comings in others because if we are focused on them and their behavior, we are not focused so much on our own.  We become disgruntled, the crack grows more.  Dirty water from around the foundation begins to seep in through the crack.  Just a drop here and there, but then bigger drops, and more of them, until it is a tiny stream.

The bible says in James 1:12-15:

12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

We’re first tempted, when we let our desires seep in through the cracks.  We are enticed by fantasies and dreams, and we begin to breathe life into them, verbalizing and sharing them.  As time goes by they grow and become more prominent in our speech.  Before long those desires conceive and give birth to sin.  We act upon the desires and fantasies, and the crack breaks open more and sin is born.

That is exactly how it happened.  Time, events, “life” got in the way of what was important.  Little by little, we let more and more things become more important than being at church.  And the fantasies began to be voiced, talked about, used to entice and excite.  In time they were acted upon and we began to lead 2 lives, one that on the surface looked like we were good, church going, bible believing Christians.  The other was kept in secret and away from the eyes of friends and family.  We made new “friends” that helped us to justify what we were doing.  Consenting adults, it wasn’t sin if we both were in agreement.

The first clue that something is a sin might be the ‘secret’ part.  When you have to hide it, there is a reason.  Cheating on your spouse usually starts out with secrets…texts, flirts, emails, conversations, meeting up for drinks or lunch, things you do when your significant other is not around.  Things you would never do in front of them with their full knowledge because it is WRONG and you know darn well what their reaction would be.  If you cannot share it with the church family, or your blood family because they would ‘judge’ your actions as wrong, then maybe you need to be thinking again.  Hidden things, secret things, things that could cost you your position in the church, damage your testimony and/or reputation, cost you your marriage….yes those things are not okay, or you would not be hiding them.

We justified that they would not understand, even tried to convince ourselves that God never intended for us to be monogamous because after all, He made us with these desires and as long as we go home each time with our spouse at the end of the night or party, then it is okay.  If it was we wouldn’t have been hiding what we were doing.  I believe deep down we both knew very well what we were doing was completely wrong and sinful.  But oh the fun, the parties, the open mindedness.  Sharing intimacy wasn’t really my  thing, that was the other half’s joy.  But I enjoyed the parties, dressing inappropriately sexy and embracing the knowledge that I was sexy, desirable and so many men wanted me.  Sure, that was indeed a draw, but what I really wanted more than anything was for my spouse to feel that way about me, and me ONLY.  But I walked into this with him and saw no real way out.  Instead of shutting down those fantasies when they first came up, I put him on the pedestal and tried my best to be what I believed he wanted.  I am just as guilty as he is for where we went.  I could have prayed for him, steered things gently away from the sinful desires, but I opted to feed the flames.  I put my husband’s desires and happiness ahead of the Lord, I actually made him my idol.  I carried things entirely too far from his being my hero and center of my world, when I should have had his spiritual health, the state of his soul as my major concern.  Instead of praying, I added to the temptation.  I ate from the forbidden fruit through the images I’d verbally weave and handed the fruit off to him.

Let my coloring book stand as a warning.  We cannot allow even the smallest temptation to cross over into our lives.  Once we let just the smallest sin in, it takes over and grows.  I have no idea who said it, but I’ll stop tonight with this thought, as it is so very true:

Sin  will take you further than you want  to go.  It will keep you longer than you want to stay.  And it will cost you more than you want to pay.

God’s Amazing Timing

For weeks I’ve felt a tug at this prodigal heart to return to church.  And not just any church but the church family I knew and loved in the past. The one that has prayed for me and my ex husband since we walked away years ago. The same loving faith family that welcomed me back almost 2 years ago, before I ran away again.  That same family that once again welcomes me with open arms and tears, and prayers.  Oh how they have been praying and waiting for God to bring me back on track.  Thankfully they never seem to give up.

I had started a Kay Arthur study a few weeks back, Lord, Only You Can Change Me, and also started reading again the book Dan gave me last time, The Way Back To God, Psalm 51 by Clarence Sexton.  Awesome stuff, both of them.  I actually considered working through 3 of Kay’s studies, the other two are Lord, Heal My Hurts and Lord, Give Me A Heart For You but I’m one  woman with a limited amount of hours in a day.  24, just like you.  So I figured it best to stick to those and get in them in depth and take my time chewing on each lesson.  I’m so glad I did, it’s been life changing stuff all over again. These helped me to open my heart again to focus on my faith.

Wednesday evening I went to the midweek service, which was the home groups that meet once a month.  They are starting a new book, Walking Like Jesus Did; Studies In The Character Of Christ.  I also attended the  women’s bible study Friday, and they are just kicking off, this time in Unit 3 of a great study called Gospel Transformation.  

Interesting to me how many new things are starting just as I return.  And all are things I NEED more than I ever realized.  God’s timing is so perfect.

During the past few weeks I’ve really struggled with ME.  My “it’s all about ME” attitude, the idea that my world revolves around me and “if you don’t like it take a hike” line of thinking.  PRIDE much? Yes, I know.  And then my prayer of late, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief”.  I heard that many times over in bible  study Friday, and it is nice to know that while I was away from being fed, my sisters in Christ all struggle daily with many of the same things I do.  When the ladies were doing a quick  review of the last unit and what had touched them in it and unit 1, something stuck out to me regarding the whole “ME” complex I have had.  Idolatry.

The book says, “An idol is anything we believe we need, apart from Jesus, to make us happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.  An idol arises when we desire something more than we desire Jesus; when we fear things rather than God; when we worship ourselves rather than Christ; when we put our trust in anything other than God; when we serve anything other than Jesus.”  The book provides some areas of fear, trust and desire that may be idols to us.  All I can say is wow.  SO many areas that I could check off either in a direct or indirect way.  It is suffice to say that ME has to get bumped aside.  I  know this, knew it weeks ago, and I have to do away with my self centered thinking.  But first comes the root of this ME idol.  That root would be pain.  The pain I still carry around and even cling too, of my divorce.  I am not so sure that I wanted to hurt, as that it is just familiar, like my teddy bear, so I can hold it.  Do I still feel I was wronged? Certainly. But what does it matter? It is done, over and I needed to let it go.  Forgiveness didn’t come easy, but in the past few weeks I truly was able to just let it go and accept the healing that comes from God and not anything of myself.

Before I made the journey back last week, I knew it was not about me anymore. It was about Christ and my walk with Him.  This time when I went it didn’t just feel like ‘home’, this time it felt like I had never left.  I realized at one point that I had to remind myself I had been away a long time, because it felt as if I had never left there and had just been there last week.  And while  kids have grown up and there are been changes to people, so much still felt the same, as if there had been no absence for me.  That was when I realized that I am right where I belong.  And as I sat there, taking it all in, wearing my Harley Davidson long sleeved, v-neck shirt and jeans, with my wild, bleached blond hair, I knew that I can still be me, who I am.  I don’t need to lose the person God created, that Marti is who she is because she was fearfully and wonderfully made.  God doesn’t want me to not be an individual, He wants me to be HIS individual.

Coloring Outside The Lines – An Over View Of My Coloring Book

My faith stretches way back.  I grew up in the Catholic church, then when I was married at 19yo, I started attending a Evangelical Free Church.  Later I would attend a Nazarene, Conservative Baptist, Charismatic, and a church that would fall closely under the Reformed Baptist faith.  I’m back to the later.

For about 12 years, when married, I was deeply involved in our church.  I worked in the  nursery, taught junior church, Sunday School, was a youth leader, women’s outreach member…if the doors were open, we were pretty much there.  I ran the needs committee, published and printed the Sunday bulletin, the ex was chairman of the deacon board, yes we were very much involved in our church, and at the time our faith was solid.  Our marriage hit a huge bump in the road, hubby left the deacon board to focus on us, and for a while things in the marriage were outstanding  if you ask me.  And then, we slowly began to color outside of the lines as a couple.

When you color outside of the lines of marriage, you crack the foundation of your solid union.  Over time your heart begins to grow deaf to the voice of God, and turn sour toward the things that would please Him.  We began to nit-pick at everything and before long just up and left that church body.  Without someone to keep us accountable by encouraging our walk, asking us about our prayer life etc, we stopped praying as a couple each night before going to sleep, and we drifted further and further away from the narrow road.

We walked in darkness for a number of years, away from the church and our beloved church family, and participated in things I know grieved not only the Lord but friends and family that simply could not grasp what we were thinking and doing.  Many times I suggested we return to our faith, if not that congregation then another, but the then husband would have no part of it, saying the next time he attended a church would be for his funeral.  I wasn’t going to go alone, and after discussions it was pretty evident he wasn’t willing to give up our outside-the-lines lifestyle.  Keeping him became more important than what I knew was right so I focused on that lifestyle, forgetting where I had once been and who I knew I was deep down.

Once divorced, I did make an attempt to return to my faith.  It was short lived.  It is hard to return as a prodigal, even harder when so much is different.  I lasted a few months and a handful of attacks before I moved on.  Sadly, I easily let so many other things become important so that being at church was no longer a priority.

Now, I know better.  My heart has healed of the past wounds, at least for the most part. There are tender areas and scars but surprisingly little pain when I go to my knees and give it over to the One who can put the spiritual balm on those wounds that actually relieves the pain.  I walked in there Sunday starving and was fed.   Now I crave more, so tonight I will go again for the midweek gathering and have more of what I need.  This time around, I’m not at all uncomfortable there, I’m drawn there and feel more at home than ever.  I know there will come Sunday mornings when the very last thing I want to do is pull myself from my warm bed.  Those days I will have to push myself harder to be there.  I expect there may still come attacks from my enemies, but I’m okay with that too.  It isn’t about them. It isn’t even about me. It’s about Christ and what He would have me to do.  They will answer for themselves, I have to answer for me.