I hate the time before you go to sleep at night
because that’s when all of the thoughts
you try to avoid for so long
start to linger in your mind
Last night I found myself up late unable to sleep. I have entirely too much on my heart and mind, the thoughts would not quiet themselves. Dozens of questions with no answers, and one particular person who was very heavy on my heart. I decided to read and have some quiet time with God. I’m working through a book by John Piper, The Passion of Jesus Christ. The ‘chapters’ are 50 reasons why Christ came to die. Each 1-2 pages in length so it is the perfect devotional book. What better to go through leading up to Easter/Resurrection Sunday. I’m also reading through the gospel of John too, and Proverbs. I spent a while reading these before deciding it was time to close the books and quiet my heart and pray.
I did something I have not done in years…many many years. I lit my luminary (my favorite night light), turned back my bed, shut off the lights, then instead of sitting on/in bed to pray, I opted for my knees next to the bed. What a difference that made! In the quiet darkness of my room, on my knees, I was able to quiet my heart and mind to pray, and to feel that Presence that tells me I am not alone, that I am heard and there is One that loves me and watches over me. The awareness that my pleadings are indeed getting past the ceiling.
I used to know this closeness many years ago in the quiet of the morning, bible, notebook and coffee and on my knees to pray. I have so missed that. Back then I used to cover my head with a lace veil. I had done an extensive study on women being veiled for prayer, their heads covered according the scripture. I wore it for church and wore it in my personal prayer time. When married, back when we used to pray together each night before turning in, I wore it then too. It didn’t ‘do’ anything…except bring a hush over my spirit. It helped to foster within me a humble heart, a quiet spirit, a mind focused completely on that time to pray. I will be using a prayer shawl instead, just as soon as I can get one made.
It was hard on the knees, though not until I went to stand up and crawl in my bed. I felt peace and went to sleep quickly after that, knowing that my prayers were heard, and that no matter what comes into or out of my life, resting in the loving hands of my Creator, all is right in my world.