Tag Archive | sex

Reaping What We Sow

Today was the perfect day for me to return to my church home.  Not because it is just a beautiful day weather wise, or because I was awake before the alarm clock sounded.  Not even because, though I was blocked in I managed to get out of the driveway.  This day was perfect because God is perfect and so many things fell into place that I am confident today was meant to be my once again return to church.

It actually began last night when I was listening to some messages online from another church I had been considering trying out for a home place to worship.  The messages are in a series titled, “Unpopular”.  I totally understand why that is too, because there is nothing warm and fuzzy about the messages that were preached over the summer at White Water Christian Church.

The first message was about how it isn’t all about me.  The second on sexual morality.  Mind you I know this, but it was still a bit of a sting.  In choosing a place to return too for worship and being fed I’ve been more concerned about me and far less about doctrine and teaching, and that Christ is glorified above all else.  My heart attitude has been pretty selfish.  I want what I want as far as music for the services, attitudes in others toward me, church on my terms.  Well that isn’t how it works if I want to be taught something solid.  We’re to be imitators of Christ, and that means it cannot be all about me.

In my life I have spent many years justifying things.  First through the swinger years but that is another post, then through being single and feeling that it was okay to have sex with the guys I was dating.  I heard my own words echo back in the sermon message last night, “I know it’s wrong but what am I supposed to do, deny myself????”  Well yes, yes that is exactly what I am to do. Christ denied Himself, came to earth as a man and died.  We are in fact to deny ourselves, imitate Christ, pick up our crosses and walk.  God’s word is not known for its grey areas.  Certainly there are things it does not address, but it isn’t hard to figure out what the right answers would be in relation to God’s word.  Sex outside of marriage isn’t a grey area.  Adultery is pretty specific too.

If it’s about Christ, as my life should be, then it isn’t about me.

If He is in control, I’m not.

If He is God, I am not.

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” ~ Jim Elliot

“Attitude reflects leadership” – Remember The Titans

What does my attitude say about who leads my life?

I went out of here ready for church, with my car blocked in by my niece.  My fault, I didn’t think of it last night so I could get my car in last or put it on the street.  So, determined that I was going, I drove through the lawn to the neighbor’s driveway to leave.    Sunday school was in the book of Judges.  While it spoke to me, and was good for me to hear, it was more about what was to come.  The service really got under  my skin and down into my heart.  From the  opening chorus, then hymn, the reception of a new member (mostly her testimony), the scripture reading  which was Psalm 1 (below) and then the hymn, When Trials Come which is SO good that I’m including the video from Youtube and you should watch and listen, the beat picks up and it’s a beautiful hymn, and  then finally the message from Pastor.  His message was from Galatians 6:7-8.  This was entirely too timely given the messages I heard last night.

Galatians 6:7-8

New King James Version (NKJV)

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

WOW do I know the truth of that passage.  For years was a lifestyle that sowed seeds of sin with each fantasy, encounter, etc. and we reaped sin in return.  The final reaping being the end of the marriage.  The consequences were high.  When we attended church we were a better couple, when we started sowing seeds of wrong doing in a sinful field, we fell apart.  That lifestyle was all about self, desires, appetite and little or no thought for God.  The end result was corruption.

But now, my desire is to sow not to my flesh but to the Spirit.  Good seeds so what grows in my life is good.  Not an easy task but then in Christ I can do anything.

I had someone recently tell me basically good luck finding a man, even a professing believer, willing to wait til marriage for sex.   My thought…if he IS a believer he will desire to wait as well.  If not then obviously he is not the one for me.  If I never find him, then I was meant for single life.  There is no grey area.

Psalm 1

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Way of the Righteous and the End of the Ungodly

1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

For the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

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SEXUAL PURITY – Satisfying The Hunger Part 2

Disclaimer: The subject matter of this post is a bit adult in nature and not appropriate material for younger audiences.

This is the second part of this subject matter, if you missed Part 1 you may wish to read that first, click here.

I was not at all prepared for the intense connection that I have with Mr. Wonderful.  When we met up and reconnected I had made it crystal clear that I was NOT seeking a relationship, just a friend with benefits.  He saw through my shield and into my heart but was willing to go along with things as I stated.  Things between us moved at incredible speed and next thing I knew we crossed into a physical relationship.  What took place between us was truly making love like I’ve never known.  He agrees, nothing ever was so intense for him before either.  We both realize more than our fleshly desires were there, our minds and souls connected, and our hearts.  We got a very serious education that day in  the two becoming one flesh.  It isn’t just the physical act, something happened that forged all of our beings into one.   I wanted to believe it was just that first time rush, but I’ve had my share of ‘first times’ and nothing in my experience or his compares.  Despite our carefully built walls when in those moments of physical expression we both realize we are seeing clear the core of each other in the eyes and there are no blocks, no locked doors on our hearts and souls, and frankly it is incredibly beautiful and special, and unnerving. 

Bigger than that…it is wrong.  It is sinfully wrong and I don’t mean that in a good way.  God is crystal clear about sex outside of marriage and we chose to ignore that and go our own way in this one area.

We have both realized that when two TRULY become one,  being apart is hell.   I  don’t just miss him, his voice, his touch, my heart craves his, my mind desires his, my soul feels as if it is torn and not whole  when his is apart from my own.  Two becoming one,  truly one,  is meant for the married because you crave the other person on every level,  not just physical.  In fact we’ve come to realize the physical is an expression of what is going on at the heart, mind and soul level.  We HUNGER for each other, and at least for me I can say it is a tormenting thing.  I now understand 1 Corinthians 7:9 so much better:

1 Corinthians 7:9 (New King James Version)

9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The burning passion is painful on each level.

I’ve become aware now of something else. Now understand this is my take, my perspective on this.  We come into this world without God, in a state of sin and until we find His perfect forgiveness and grace we hunger for Him.  As we grow that hunger grows with us, but we try to fill that void with all manner of things, collecting things, over consumption of food, alcohol, drugs or even sex.  We are never completely satisfied until we turn to the Lord, nothing we do can fill the hunger with in us.  Love and marriage, per the Bible, is a reflection of the love Christ has for His church, His people.  It is the earthly example of true love, putting the best interest of others ahead of ourselves regardless of  cost to  ourselves.*  In a marriage relationship that honors God,  things work like they should.  Don’t get me wrong, it won’t be perfect.  I saw a tweet from Pastor and singer Steve Camp (@sjcamp) the other day that said “marriage is two forgivers learning to live together”.  OH how true that is! 

 I have also come to realize that before we ever experience sexual relations with anyone we begin to hunger for our mates,  prior to even knowing them.  Something within us desires to mate, to share that special one fleshness, our souls begin to seek.  We search for something to fill that hunger, and sadly often attempt to fill it with sexual promiscuity.  We go from encounter to encounter trying to fill  an unsatiable desire within us that can only be filled by that one person meant to be our partner for life.  Perhaps there is more than one out there, but I think so many are so unhappy because they jumped into a marriage with someone they did NOT connect with on the heart, mind and soul levels before taking  their vows and then connecting physically.  Love at first sight may indeed be real, but more of a intense draw at first sight.  One soul recognizing the other as it’s mate, or other half.  Mr. Wonderful experienced that with just seeing my photo on my Myspace, the intense desire to know me and not on a physical level.  When I met him I too felt that, but I was married and did the right thing by ignoring it and keeping him at arm’s length to avoid the temptation.  Had I entertained a physical encounter then, when deep in a sinful lifestyle that would have allowed for it,  it would have destroyed my marriage and I knew it.  At the time I did not understand why I knew this, I just did.  Something in both of us screamed “MINE” and it was horribly upsetting and painful.

Sadly, while we’ve desired to do this relationship the right way, this is an area we crossed lines in and have sinned.  Now in a desire to back up the truck a bit and do it ALL right in God’s eyes, we have to deal with the intense craving that burns deeper than  the physical desire for each other.   The hunger that distresses our minds, hearts  and souls when apart.  While the physical need is a difficult struggle, we actually do find without the sexual part, when we are together,  the other levels are satisified for the time we are in each others presence and the physical takes a back burner.  This spoke volumes to me about what we had done in crossing the lines and allowing the one flesh before it was the right time.  The hardest part of this being that as jaded as we both are we don’t even know where this will head.  We both carry so many scars from past relationships, so many cracks in our hearts from gluing them back together that we just don’t know if we can proceed toward a life time commitment.  I only know that now that I realize the level on which we connected, I cannot be satisified with anyone else.

Meanwhile…the area  of sexual purity is one I have struggled with all my life because I long ago crossed the line,  continuing again and again to sin in this area.  It is the one area I am most weak and the one I am now most determined to keep right and honor God in until such a time as it can be RIGHT.  If  I can continue to see my sin as God sees it,  as filthy rags, then I cannot say I love Him and deliberately,  knowingly go against Him in this area.  If and when marriage again is a part of my life, then the hunger will be satisfied as it should be.  And until then I must honor God and satisfy the hunger with Him and His Word.

*condensed version of a definition of love an elder at church came up with –  will share full version as a blog later this month.

Copyright © 2011 – The AirBrushed Diva/Marti Gardner – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

SEXUAL PURITY – Satisfying The Hunger Part 1

Disclaimer: The subject matter of this post is a bit adult in nature and not appropriate material for younger audiences.

I’ve been jaded regarding sex, purity and the church  over the years.  In my journey back on the path to a life lived for Christ I’ve had my eyes opened in some new ways, and seen both some very unpleasent realities  in my life but also that there is so much that is beautiful and waiting for me now.  One topic that keeps coming up (not by my choice mind you so it must be the prompting of God) is sex and sexual purity.  Maybe this is because it is the single worst area of sin in my life.  As I study, pray and learn, I thought I’d share what I am learning and if it does anyone else any good then it will be good.

First let me say I am no expert in anything.  I have learned a little bit about a lot of things in life, and in a few areas I’ve learned a lot.   I’m an oldest child so my parents cut their parenting teeth on me first and I wasn’t the easiest to raise.  I was that kid that had to learn everything the hard way, sometimes more than once.  I never seem to do anything halfway either, so if I am going to mess up I am going to be an over achiever.

I was not an angel in the area of sex as a teenager, evident in the fact that I gave birth for the first time at 16 years old and gave that child up for adoption.  One would think I’d have learned then but like I said, I excel at making mistakes in life.

I believe we are sexual creatures, wired to find a mate and then enjoy the physical expressions of love with our significant other.  The bible speaks to relationship of a husband and wife and sex.  One reading through portions of the Song of Solomon and it is rather evident that sexual love is supposed to be something beautiful and enjoyed and more than just for procreation.  Even I have blushed while reading those passages!   The Lord takes the sexual side of our relationships very seriously.  Genesis speaks of the man leaving his mother and father, cleaving to his wife, and the two becoming one flesh.

Genesis 2:24 (Amplified Bible)

24Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

1 Corinthians 6:16

16Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? The two, it is written, shall become one flesh.

This becoming one flesh I always understood to be sexual, but in recent months I’ve come to understand it as far more than a  sexual thing.  I’ve come to understand it is a joining at the heart, mind, body and soul.  But Satan takes the beautiful things of God and pollutes and perverts them.  Physical love between a man and a woman certainly is near the top of that list, the porn industry alone can attest to this.

Because of how we are wired,  to desire the opposite gender and mate, as we reach puberty and our hormones kick in, we begin to notice each other.  I think along with the hormones the heart and soul begin to wake up too, helping to grow our desire to mate.  I used to believe sex  with anyone I really “loved” was acceptable.  Certainly I knew what the bible had to say on the topic but I could justify that away easily, after all it is what we sinners do, we justify everything.  If we saw our sin as God sees it, as filthy rags, we’d not try to justify it quite so often.  I’ve read multiple studies that the ‘filthy rags’ as it is translated were rags that were used to wrap wounds,  so the fabric is covered in blood, puss and disease.  Not a very pretty picture.  So if my sexual sins are seen that way to God, should I not stop trying to justify them and start seeing things as my Father in Heaven does?  Funny what we can put out of our minds when we determine to do things our way.

Back to this joining and becoming one flesh.  I have been married twice now, and despite being ‘joined’ in matrimony to my husbands, and sharing a bed and a life, I never really understood this whole being one flesh thing until recently.  Oh I thought I understood it but I was so mistaken. Had I clearly understood it I would never have married either of them, let alone partaken in a lifestyle where couples are openly sharing their spouses with others.  Call me a lunatic but I believe God has a mate in mind for each of us, and when we meet them we know it.  The draw is powerful and nags at the core of us.  I met what I believe is that man years ago but at the time was happily, or so I believed, married and turned away from what I sensed could be a destructive force to that marriage.  I kept it to myself and never spoke of it, but the pull  was there.    Fast forward to the past few months when I reconnected with this man.  I had always held him at arms length, fearing what I had felt, and wasn’t at all  sure it would  still be there.  When he  kissed me the first time I knew it was alive and well.

We connected immediately at a level that was beyond my understanding…more than physical, the stronger draw was from the heart, mind and I’d come to realize the soul.  Something deep inside screamed “MINE” and is not silenced, it demands to be heard and known.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Copyright © 2011 – The AirBrushed Diva/Marti Gardner – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED